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When struggling with drugs and alcohol for any period, you might discover yourself doing things you would never do sober to get through the day. When you become addicted, you search for ways to find the drug or drink of your choice. In this pursuit, you are likely to neglect your needs and treat yourself negatively. You might also treat the people that care about you negatively too. However, this is because you are motivated by your craving.
Understand that now that you are sober, you are not the person you were when using. However, it is common to feel guilty in the recovery journey and ashamed of the things you did when using. It can become effortless to dwell on these dark emotions and even feel overwhelmed by them. If you sit with these feelings for too long, you can succumb to negative thoughts, and these thoughts could turn into behaviors. Becoming familiar with what guilt and shame can do to your recovery can help motivate you to overcome these feelings.
What Are Guilt and Shame?
Guilt and shame are similar emotions; however, they are not interchangeable feelings. There are many differences between the two. Feelings of guilt occur when you feel bad about something you have done or committed to doing and then didn't. For example, maybe you have said some unkind things to a friend, family member while you were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or perhaps you didn't follow through on a commitment you made to them.
Shame is more than just recognizing that you did something wrong; shame is internalizing guilt and believing that you are a terrible person because of the things you have done. Shame is a self-conscious emotion. Differentiating between guilt and shame is important because how you interpret yourself now versus your past can influence how you move forward. Do you feel guilt over how you acted and want to rectify the behavior? Or, do you have self-destructive thoughts because you believe you are that person? Answering these questions can help you determine how you need to act to cope.
Don't Dwell in Negativity
Dwelling in negative thoughts only stands to give each thought validity. The longer you sit with these thoughts, the deeper they run. When you become swept up in feelings of guilt and shame, you might begin to believe that you deserve these bad feelings about yourself. Therefore, you start to think that you need to punish yourself for the things you did while struggling with addiction. Thinking and behaving in this way does not serve your recovery or the people around you that support you.
Recognize Your Feelings and Forgive
In early recovery, it is common to become overly critical of yourself and your actions while you weren't sober. When you recognize your feelings that stem from shame and guilt, you can then bring to light the counter-productive thoughts and behaviors that affect your recovery. When you can realize this, you can then understand that everyone makes mistakes. Choosing to change your life and combat your addiction is a courageous decision. Part of this courage will require making amends with yourself and those you have hurt. While they may not be in a place to be able to forgive you, you will still have done your best to make amends, and this helps when keeping your past actions behind you.
Forgiving yourself is also just as important when making amends. When you wholly understand that you are not the person you were when using, you can then rectify and forgive yourself. To forgive yourself is a freeing experience that allows you to move forward without guilt or shame. You will also begin to internalize positive thoughts about yourself by recognizing what you have overcome and how far you have come. Remember, when you are doing your best, you slowly start to become your best self. Understand that your past is not what matters; what matters are the choices you make from now on.
Let Go of What You Cannot Control
In early recovery, maintaining your sobriety can feel like a fragile thing, and therefore you might develop bad habits to protect it. Such bad habits stem from trying to control every situation or scenario that you feel might threaten your sobriety. When you try to control scenarios, you may miss out on many opportunities for growth because you become preoccupied with having situations needing to work out exactly how you imagine them. You also run the risk of isolating yourself because you feel safer doing things alone. The only person you control is yourself; this means that there are many things outside of your control – this includes the inability to change your past. Learning how to let go of your past is a big step toward freeing yourself from shame and guilt.
Understanding and facing shame and guilt in recovery is critical to sustaining lasting sobriety. Dwelling in toxic emotions only sets you up to endure more formidable challenges. If you are finding it challenging to manage your recovery, it may be time to seek help. At START UP RECOVERY, we provide a network of passionate people dedicated to helping you realize your full potential. We help individuals formulate a plan that benefits their personal and professional needs to reach their goals. If you are looking for a community to help you reach your most tremendous potential, then reach out to START UP RECOVERY today. With 24/7 admissions, there is never a wrong time to ask for help. Remember, the journey to recovery begins when you take that first step. To find out more, reach out to START UP RECOVERY today by calling us at (310) 773-3809. Your best success awaits.