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Family, friends, and loved ones all play an important role in the recovery process and can be powerful assets from the beginning of one’s recovery journey to the years following. However, depending on the relationships that someone has with those around them, especially when it comes to close personal relationships such as with a spouse, there can be just as much danger as there can be benefits for the one in recovery. Families and loved ones are a massively motivating force, so it is important to ensure that each relationship is beneficial for one’s continued success. Codependency can be one way in which someone, whether intentionally or unintentionally, negatively affects the recovery process. From the time someone attends their first recovery meeting to the years following. It is important to identify codependent relationships and the problems that they may cause in order for each family member and loved one to provide the proper care that is conducive to the recovery process.
What is a Codependent Relationship?
Codependent relationships are a unique occurrence and they won’t always look exactly the same. However, it often consists of two parties - someone with extreme needs, and another person who wholly needs to feel needed by another. Those suffering from a substance or behavioral addiction, or suffering from mental health disorders, all may have these kinds of extra needs as they work through their emotional state and feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, shame, or guilt as they confront the fallout of their negative actions or behaviors. Codependents may do everything in their power in order to help tend to the needs of someone suffering from addiction or a mental health disorder and could end up continuing to enable the use of self-medicating techniques or other dangerous coping strategies. A codependent may want to be a person’s sole caretaker and therefore measures their own happiness and fulfillment based on the happiness of that individual they are caring for. While codependent relationships can be birthed out of genuine love for another, they can still present a potentially hindering hurdle to those who may need to seek professional help for their addiction or mental health disorder.
Those who present the signs of a codependent relationship may also be at risk themselves, as they may begin to ignore other relationships in order to solely prioritize only the codependent relationship. They may begin to take on far too many tasks in order to try to please the other member of the codependent relationship and begin to ignore personal boundaries by inserting themselves into many aspects of the other person’s life and measure their happiness based on the other person rather than their own accomplishments and needs. This constant need to please and be needed by another can cause someone to disregard other signs of addiction or mental health disorders as they may tie these aspects to their own failings, which may not be the reality and may actually be introducing intense levels of stress and anxiety into their daily life.
Risks to Someone Suffering from Addiction
By measuring one’s own happiness based on the needs of others, it is possible that someone in a codependent relationship may begin to see recovery as an obstacle rather than a solution to one’s relationship with an addictive substance or practice. Rather, codependents may want to ingratiate themselves as the only pillar that someone needs in an effort to find their own fulfillment. However, this can lead to a cycle of enabling behaviors and hurdles to someone getting the professional attention they may need for the trials they face on a daily basis.
Setting Boundaries
In order for recovery to be as effective as possible, those in a codependent relationship can benefit from drawing boundaries for themselves, as well as for those suffering from addiction. This can be physical boundaries, allowing each party to have their own physical space, but also have emotional and mental boundaries in place as well. Setting boundaries can also mean internalizing the fact that no one person is responsible for the happiness of another, and only truly responsible for their own happiness. While this may go in stark contrast to the notion of a codependent relationship, it is important to establish this boundary for the health of someone suffering from an addiction or mental health disorder, as well as the overall mental health of both parties in the relationship. Setting goals in a codependent relationship that can be accomplished on one’s own rather than relying on the presence of the other person can help better understand individual needs and goals within the relationship, and help each person establish their identities and agency during the recovery process.
Codependent relationships can cause their own hurdles, but it is important that each person find their own identity, especially when it comes to recovery. If you or a loved one are struggling with a substance or behavioral addiction, or are suffering from a mental health disorder, the supportive and understanding community of START UP RECOVERY can help. The time you spend in the START UP RECOVERY community is intended to help each person open up to their own vulnerabilities while helping them acknowledge their individual strengths. Each stay can be personalized, and professionals and mentors will work alongside you to establish new approaches that can best fit your needs and goals in recovery, while also helping build on your own identity and brand. For more information on how we can personalize a stay for you, or to talk to a trained professional about your unique situation, call us today at (310) 773-3809.