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Achieving lifelong recovery relies on many different factors to ensure that the individual going through the process maintains motivation to keep moving forward. A big proponent of the process is creating a healthy support network. You might not realize how important your support can be for a friend from an outside perspective. What you say, what you do, how you act toward this person can influence how they approach their recovery.
However, how you behave and treat this person can also negatively impact them, even when you think you are helping. When you decide to commit to supporting a loved one in their recovery journey, understand that there are certain practices you will want to encourage and certain practices you will want to avoid to provide the support that promotes empowerment, meaning, and growth.
Don't Weaponize Comfort
Living with someone who is actively using drugs or alcohol can be difficult. However, using guilt or shame to get your loved one to stop only creates further challenges. For example, saying things like, “If you loved me, you would quit” is destructive behavior that almost always backfires. Establishing this kind of relationship continues to create bad habits even when your loved one decides to get help and is now in recovery. Not only does it create shame and guilt in your loved one, but it creates a sense of hierarchy like you are perfect and they are flawed. Providing comfort for another, at its core, is about helping the person to feel equal and just as capable of overcoming challenges.
Support Not Enable
You might take a different approach by trying to shield your loved one from challenges. Therefore you over-protect them and keep them from taking chances that build self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your loved ones is to let them experience the consequences of their mistakes and actions. Taking accountability and learning from mistakes is vital for the person in recovery. It teaches them about their behavior and how to overcome future challenges that present them with the same choices. A comfortable space should offer enough support for your loved ones to know that they are not alone.
Providing a place to live, money, and even helping with errands might seem like the right thing to do for a loved one. However, by doing these things, you're building a relationship that lacks boundaries and enables your loved one to keep living this way. Recovery is about rebuilding oneself from within to take charge of their own life and attain and achieve the essential things; housing, career, family, etc. When you offer them a way out of any challenge, your loved one might come to rely on and even expect you to always bail them out of a jam. However, this can have an unintended effect on perpetuating their addiction to get worse. People in early recovery need emotional and material support, but they also need boundaries. Focus on supporting your loved one's goals and future by encouraging them to become proactive in living an independent life.
Their Addiction Does Not Define Them
Addiction is a disease. It results in a system that, when active, operates to support ongoing substance use. You will likely grow frustrated at times with your loved one and your wellbeing from an outside perspective. You might have had to limit your contact when your loved one was actively using. Their behavior and words might have also hurt you at some point, and you might have even said hurtful things in retaliation. However, it is essential to be mindful if you unintentionally treat your loved one like an outcast or a disgrace to the family. Not only can it close off your loved one from wholly trusting you and opening up, but it can cause feelings of resentment with you. However, you love this person and should understand that who they are now is not who they were when they were using. Instead, always communicate with your loved one to better understand how substance misuse became a routine and a part of their life.
The Long Haul
Remember, change is gradual, and recovery is a lifelong process. Support is a big part of helping your loved one stay sober and committed. Early on, statistics show that relapse happens to 50% of those within the first 12 weeks after completing transformational living. However, as time goes by, the possibility for relapse decreases. It is crucial to help keep your loved one connected and attending meetings. Accountability and boundaries in a relationship can go a long way in keeping people on track. However, if your loved one does relapse, do not push them away. However difficult, remaining as someone who is there to love and support this person helps. Sometimes, your loved one needs to change their approach, and you can be there for them when they do. Never turn them away when you believe in them.
Helping a loved one on the journey to recovery is not only a lifetime commitment for them but you as well. However, this does not mean that it will always be work that tests your relationship and love for them. It's the contrary; continuing to build momentum in their recovery will strengthen the bonds and the quality of the relationship for you. You are likely to discover that their efforts' most tremendous success benefits the relationship to reaching heights you never imagined. At START UP RECOVERY, we believe in the power of a healthy support network because we believe that those with substance use problems can live happy lives. We work to build a community that encourages, advocates, and gives people with addiction a voice. We also provide a safe space for those struggling and their loved ones to develop healthy practices that they can apply to their life, both personally and professionally. At START UP RECOVERY, we believe that there is always an option and solution for everybody; it begins with asking for help. To learn more, call us today at (310) 773-3809.