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Living a life of sobriety and recovery changes your perspective on yourself and the world around you. Social interactions are no different. In recovery, you have learned how important it is to continue to strengthen your support system. However, while making new relationships is essential, it is vital to approach all of the opportunities found in recovery with the right mindset, including precautions to ensure you're entering every new relationship in a way that will better serve your life and recovery.
However, it is common to pursue a relationship for the wrong reasons in early recovery. Since you are learning new things about yourself and re-discovering your emotions, you might become vulnerable and open yourself to getting involved with another romantically. While seeking romance in recovery is excellent, sometimes it can happen prematurely. Learning how to stay committed to your recovery while navigating a romance is challenging. You will want to be aware of some of the do's and don'ts to ensure you're going about each relationship the right way.
Don't Rush
Most mistakes made in early recovery come from trying to force or rush something before you're ready. Recovery can sometimes be a lonely endeavor because you might feel you need to isolate yourself to keep yourself safe. However, reentering the dating scene and making a romantic connection with another should be gradual.
It might be hard to determine if you are moving too fast because you are spending all your time surrounding yourself with positive and encouraging people. When presented with a romantic opportunity, you might want to jump right in because it embodies the same qualities as other relationships. However, entering a romantic relationship should be a deliberate decision. Keeping your priorities in check and remaining committed to your recovery can keep you from rushing into something that could lead to emotional turmoil, thus compromising your recovery.
Do Prioritize Yourself
It is easy to fall head over heels and lose focus on the things you have to do to maintain recovery. Recovery can become a tight rope walk between losing sight of your plans and investing your attention in someone or being in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship requires each person to invest equal interest in each other's wellbeing. However, you also need to put your recovery needs first to maintain sobriety; this can be challenging. It will take exercising healthy coping skills learned in counseling or therapy to help you prioritize your recovery and your romance.
Don't Settle for Less
It is always important to remember that you are no longer the person you were when using. Therefore, just because you once used drugs or alcohol does not mean that you deserve less – including being in a loving relationship. Avoid thinking that you have less value than others because you have a substance use disorder. Such a negative mindset will lead to unhealthy relationships or settling for someone who does not treat you well.
If the person you desire to become romantically involved with displays undesirable traits that threaten your recovery, then you should not pursue them. Don't ever feel like you are “lucky” to have anybody because you deserve the right person for you. Establish your self-confidence and self-worth before stepping into the dating world so you can focus on finding the right person for you and your recovery.
Do Choose the Right Environment
Meeting people and setting up dates is exciting, but this must be happening in a healthy environment. Many social environments can involve drugs and alcohol. If you know that meeting in a particular place could trigger you, you will want to avoid meeting there. Triggers are people, places, and things that can bring negative feelings or cravings. For example, a person recovering from a substance use disorder may be triggered by seeing someone using their drug of choice. The experience may cause returned cravings and even relapse. If you think that you are at risk for potentially having a drink or drug, then suggest the date happens in an environment where you can enjoy a healthy hobby or activity.
You will also want to be honest and make your recovery needs clear. It is better to be upfront about your recovery; the last thing you want to feel is that you need to hide your sobriety. Someone who genuinely likes you will be willing to support you. If the person you are dating will become your partner, they need to accept and understand that recovery is a big part of your life and who you are.
Don’t Fall Into Co-Dependency
Romance should happen for the right reasons. Likewise, recovery is about breaking negative behavioral cycles. In relationships, co-dependency is always a risk. If you feel yourself falling into old patterns in the relationship, then it might be a sign that it is too soon for you to date. Relationships built on co-dependency can quickly transition into emotionally, mentally, and physically unhealthy situations. These kinds of relationships can dismantle your and another's hard work in recovery. It is crucial to steer clear of developing these negative habits at the first “red flag.”
Romantic relationships can bring about a range of emotions from excitement to fear. It also requires hard work to find the right person to meet your needs and challenge you in healthy ways. Avoid jumping into a romantic relationship early on in recovery because, like recovery, romance takes patience, planning, and knowing who you are and your needs. At START UP RECOVERY, we work to facilitate all relationships in your life, from professional to personal and, of course, romantic. We also understand that each relationship you create on your journey plays an essential role in sustaining your lifelong recovery; however, we help you realize that success in all of these ventures needs to happen for the right reasons. When you choose START UP RECOVERY, you don't choose treatment; you choose transformation. It all begins with taking that first step. To learn more, reach out to us today by calling (310) 773-3809.